I used to weigh 245 lbs.
I am also 4’11. So you can imagine that being so short and having so much weight on my body made me look a good 300 lbs.
I was depressed. I was miserable. I was struggling hardcore with my anxiety (and I was on anxiety medication).
I felt worthless. I felt unhappy. I felt like the worst human being on the planet to allow myself to have that much fat on my body. I felt that I was a horrible role model for my then 3 year old daughter.
And I pretty much wanted to remain invisible to the entire world.
Every time I walked out of the house I was worried about the looks that I would get; how I would be treated by others and if they would snicker right to my face and call me names like fatty and fat ass.
Before you even think that someone would never do such things to another human being they don’t know think again. I was once in a grocery store with my husband and legit had the person behind us moo at me. Obviously this person felt it necessary to let me know that I was a cow in the grocery aisle.
And yes, it was fucking humiliating to say the least. I went home and cried. All night. And I didn’t even eat the supper we went in there to get because I didn’t want to get any fatter than I already was.
So, one week before Christmas in 2013 I made a decision that would spark a very important change in my life. I chose to take my life back and download the app myfitnesspal on my phone; the very moment that I began my weight loss journey.
And a life changing career move.
Most people lose weight and they are good with that. Their life of course is forever changed. But for me there was something more that sparked inside of me. I couldn’t stop talking about all things health and fitness. I would legit talk to anyone and everyone all day long about it if they wanted to. It got me super excited and just sparked this fire that lived deep down inside of my soul. Something that I had never experienced when I thought about what I wanted to study in college.
I knew that my purpose in this life was to help others through health and fitness. I felt it in every single fiber of my being. I wanted to change lives. I wanted to help others lose weight and feel just as amazing as I did.
In fact it wasn’t a want, it was a NEED.
And in 2016 I was given that chance. I left a full time job with a steady paycheck and embarked on building a personal training business.
Sounds like a dream right? Yeah not quite.
Thing is that personal trainers? Are seen as having abs, lean bodies that are sculpted and super fit; pretty much a beautiful fit and healthy GODDESS.
And that was totally not me. I lost a good amount of weight no doubt. I didn’t look anything like the 245 lb Stacy. But I also still have body fat that is super stubborn and just doesn’t want to budge because of life and pregnancy. My dream career bubble got busted really quick when I realized that others were saying things like “if your trainer looks like they need a trainer you should stay clear” and “I can’t believe she was allowed to be a personal trainer because of her weight.”
Yes it stung. Yes it hurt. Yes it totally made me question myself, my choice, my dream, my fire, MY LIFE. And of course every single time I walked into the gym I believed that every single person that looked at me was thinking, “there is the fat trainer”.
But then I woke up. And I got real with myself. And I decided that no one is going to tell me what I can and can not do in this life based on their personal opinions of my body.
I felt the calling. I felt that fire burn deep inside my soul. I KNEW what my purpose in life was. And just because other people decided to share their opinions about my body and my choice didn’t mean they were right. Because there were women that NEEDED me to help them reach their goals.
And to show them that fitspo fucking can take a flying leap off the fucking cliff.
Because enough is fucking enough already.
Health and fitness is for EVERY single body on this planet.
To act like a certain body type is only considered to be fit and healthy is bullshit.
And I for one am over it.
Women are constantly working towards an ideal body that they are never going to achieve because it’s not the body they were given.
We can only be healthy and fit in the body we have. Not to mention the fact that those images we are always seeing as THE representation of what is considered healthy, fit and beautiful is a false representation due to the copious amounts of airbrushing and editing that is done to that photo. Those women in those images seriously don’t even look like themselves in real life.
And it’s time to take a stand. It’s time to tell society that they got it WRONG and we aren’t going to take it any damn more.
And THAT is why I am a Plus Size Trainer.
Yes, I have cellulite. Yes I have some body fat. Yes I have dimples on my thighs. And hell yes my belly and butt can jiggle with the best of them!
But I am HEALTHY and I am FIT. I can kick some serious ass in a workout and I pretty much dare you to try and keep up with me during it.
I enjoy the shit out of some veggies and can eat them all day every day. But you bet your ass I am going to have that slice of cake and enjoy some ice cream because we were put on this earth to LIVE LIFE to the damn fullest!
And THAT is why I am a Plus Size Trainer.
Because these women out here need to know the bullshit that is being fed to them. They need to know that they are worthy and gorgeous and can do some kick ass shit in their amazing strong and beautiful bodies regardless if they aren’t representing this bullshit ideal of “fit”.
Because Healthy and Fit are very relative terms. They can mean many different things on many different BODIES.
I will not cower to those who choose to believe that what other people’s bodies look like and the career that they choose to embark on is their business. Because it isn’t. It’s time they keep their eyes on their own damn paper and look at the difference they are making in this world.
Because for me? I am a Plus Size Trainer and I am impacting women’s lives every single day to help them achieve the freedom they crave by getting healthy and fit in the body that was given to them.
And together we are spreading the message that you can take that fitspo mindset and shove it right up your close minded ass.
Because we are DONE with your bullshit definition of what healthy, fit and beautiful.
THIS is why I am a plus size trainer. So that I can help spread the message to clients that #fitspo can go fuck themselves.
Try a mind body scan: Find a quiet place with no distractions. Sit or lie down. Set a time, for 5 minutes if you like. Start at the top of your head, and slowly go down to your toes. Notice all physical sensations: hot / cold, itchy, tense, etc. Observe, don’t judge. You can do this anywhere, at any time, in order to slow down and calm your body.